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I fell in love ,
& I broke it .
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♥LunaAphrodite. |
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At the end of the day , what is there to win?
Written on : Monday, July 1, 2013, 11:15 AM
Harsh nights like this makes me reflect on the things I've done with my life so far .
So many decisions that I've made so far felt like they were made on impulse when they were all so thoroughly thought through before I made any . My faith in myself is starting to shake whenever I'm questioned with "what have you achieved so far?" and although I knew I walked down a path I've carved with bloodshed and sweat, this path seems to be endless .
I know that I'm doing something , but that something that I've been doing is never enough to satisfy the expectations of people around me , nor my hunger for my dreams to be achieved .
I know all of these myself .
So far the thoughts and feelings that has been put down on my blog has matured from selfish puppy love and inflactuation to my own sense of direction in life , though it still flactuates from time to time according to my mood .
Now it seems that the "perfectionist" "miss-know-it-all" and "inspired" Luna has been pinned down by her actions that seemed to be what was right in that moment in time .
I don't know which hurts more; doing and planning so much without achieving anything or knowing that there is a spark of hope but don't know where to start from .
Pardon my broken English but I really don't know how to put down those thoughts into structured sentences .
Maybe I still have the touch of a musician , I believe I'm born to do this but I've been spending too much time chasing useless things like "love",money (which is essential of course) and pleasing my ego with a pretty outlook .
I need to stop all of this nonsense and get back to down to earth issues like my education and my aspirations .
So far I know that I have planned my education path towards my aspirations but I am not working hard enough , maybe because I feel the need to concentrate on it as much as my stupid nonsense .
I've already passed the "I need to wake up my idea" stage but I'm still stuck at the "I have no ideas what I'm doing" and "where do I start?" point . All I know is that I'm doing something , and I'm trying to keep up but I really wonder if I can even keep my motivation up there or not . I really need a push start . |
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