I fell in love ,
& I broke it .

♥LunaAphrodite.
I sing, i dance, i go crazy. :D
whatever.

Written on : Thursday, August 25, 2011, 3:16 AM

I remember there was a point of time i was fully convinced that no guy would ever truly like me , just imagine falling over and over again and getting your heart broken . that was when i was 13 .
I've fallen into depression , doing stupid things like hurting myself over guys, at the point of time i thought it was normal because i couldn't find a way to vent it out .
until when i was 14 , i met melody , she was the one whom put all these bleeding to a stop .
i remembered when i was so stressed up over examinations and my previous relationship that i used a mathematical compass and stabbed it into my left arm continuously. it's nothing to brag about , the sight was horrible .
Right now when im matured and i think back at those times , i felt regret partially because those people weren't worth my blood and tears , and that i've let myself down by hurting myself and let those worthless people hurt me .
Still after the years , words like : " You're ugly , you're fat , you're worthless , you're deemed to a life whereby no one would really like you ", they still ring in my head from time to time , especially when im feeling really down .
furthermore some of these venom even came from my own mother .
And every single time someone walks away from me , it's like as though the scene was replaying over and over again , and i tell myself : " What do you expect ? "
when someone made me feel as though im worthwhile , or someone that actually means something to him , i'd get disappointed sooner or later .
And it really hurts .
I know i fall easily , i've learnt to control my feelings so just in case if i get my heart broken again i could control my emotions and numb the feelings on the spot .
eventually i'd breakdown and cry my heart out at night or in the shower where nobody could hear me .
I love to be happy , who doesn't ?
Seeing guys fall for pretty girls really makes me jealous ..
Why can i be like them ? they're just flawless .
I wanna be like that so i wouldn't feel inferior to them , so that i could get which ever guy i liked . Why am i born so short and ugly ?!
Why did God make me this way ?
i seriously hate myself alot .
i think that was the reason why i hurt myself in the past .
oh wells , time for me to grow up .
I've learnt not to show any signs of sadness infront of people , but eventually it'll come out when i couldn't take it .
Im trying so hard ..
i just hope he'll return the same feelings for me ,
apparently , nobody would .
When im in tears i'll just pray that i don't feel anything anymore .
Cause Love hurts instead most of the time .